Looking Back to Move Ahead

I found this journal entry of mine from January 3, 2020:

" 'It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority.' Act 1:7

Don't we all want to look forward to the year and know everything? Wouldn't it make it all so much easier? Perhaps we want to know about the good things -- you'll go on this trip. . . or meet a new friend. . . but what about the sorrows? A close loved one will die. . . a break in relationship will happen. Those predictions would only bring dread or even paralyzation."

Of course I didn't know at the time that 2020 was about to dish out some seriously paralyzation-inducing craziness. What if we had know? Could we do anything differently? Would we have prepared better? Ok, stocking up on toilet paper might not have been a total waste of time, but other than that I'm hard pressed to think of a good pre-2020 game plan.

Our start to every year should be the same: Remember who is in control and that He loves you, no matter what your circumstances, He will work all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Prov. 19:21

So simple, right?

Ya, well, not sure about you, but my trust in the Lord has taken some serious testing. I know He's still there. I know He's in control. It's the working out all things for my good that I'm a little suspicious of. Or a lot suspicious of. My needs have all been taken care of, we've been blessed with plenty of work, and I homeschool so not a whole lot changed in the education department. So why the crisis of faith?

I think it comes down to understanding just how out of control of my world I have always been but now actually realize.

At first, being out of control felt great. Everything got canceled and we didn't have to answer to anyone. I went to our ranch, built a tipi, and lived off the land, cooking over an open fire and sleeping under a canvas roof with my family. That was making the best of a weird time. But, as my husband reminded me yesterday, just because you are making the best of an unusual season, it doesn't mean you have to love that thing like it should be this way for the next 50 years. I don't want to live in a tipi EVERY spring. I want to travel the countryside of Italy. After the first few months, I think I resisted making the most of 2020 because if I did, it felt like I was accepting this situation forever. As though coming up with great solutions meant those would stay in place for the unforeseeable future.

It's time for me to get creative. Get excited. Look for even more adventurous ways to do life than we did before. I know it will take more work. But I can and must believe that the process is part of the plan God had for me. And it is good.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11